


You Are My Sunshine

by metal_arm_metal_shield



Category: Captain America, Marvel, the winter soldier - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-16 19:37:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3500384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metal_arm_metal_shield/pseuds/metal_arm_metal_shield
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve woke up to the sound of Bucky crying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Are My Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever Steve and Bucky fan fiction, it is also my first ever one shot. I hope you like it! x

Steve woke up to the sound of Bucky crying.  
This wasn't uncommon, since his encounters with HYDRA Bucky had been plagued with terrible nightmares which left him a shaking mess in Steve's arms in the morning's early hours.  
Steve knew instantly that this was different, and that it was much, much worse.  
These weren't Bucky's usual quiet sobs into the pillow. These were ragged howls, dry and choked, full of utter despair, followed by the clanging and clattering of his metal arm, and when Steve reached out to the bed beside him, his hand only found cold, rumpled sheets.  
He sprang out of bed and ran down the hall in a panic, calling out for Bucky as he went. When he came to the bathroom door he found it locked, he could hear Bucky panting and crying and grunting on the other side.  
"Bucky?! Buck, please let me in!" said Steve as he hammered on the door with his fists. He was trying and failing to stay calm, it tore him up inside when Bucky got upset. Steve was the super soldier, the Star Spangled Man with a plan, known for his strength and power.  
But serum or no serum, there was very little he could do to help his Bucky, and it ate away at him everyday.  
No reply came, Steve didn't know if it was because he was being ignored or if Bucky couldn't hear him. He heard the sound of glass breaking. Steve's heart began to race and extreme worry set in. Bucky hadn't been this bad in months. Steve knew he would never fully recover, but he thought it was under control, he thought they were past the point of smashing things in anger.  
"Bucky, if you don't let me in I will break down this door." Steve said forcefully, trying to keep his voice level. When Bucky failed to answer again, Steve rammed his shoulder against the door, and it opened instantly under his weight.  
"No! No Steve please don't!" cried Bucky between sobs.  
What Steve saw broke his heart.  
It was as if everything slowed down and was in high definition. Steve saw every shard of broken mirror on the floor, glittering under the bathroom light. He saw every mildew stain on every garish tile. He saw every drop of blood. Red on white. White smeared with red. Red used to be his favourite colour. It wasn't anymore. He felt like he was drowning in it.  
Bucky was sat on the floor with his back against the bathtub. He was heaving with sobs, and his right hand was clawing at his left shoulder, at the place where flesh fused with metal, where scars kept a diary of his time with HYDRA. He was biting his lip to stop from crying out in pain, as he scratched and tore at the joint, his fingers trembling, but they kept going, bloodstained and leaving his skin in tatters. Two plates of it lay stained with blood beside him. His left arm was doing the most damage as it could as the metal doubled on itself, and grabbed and tore relentlessly.  
Steve rushed over to Bucky, ignoring the stabs of pain as he stood on the broken glass, knowing what Bucky was feeling was much worse. Bucky screamed out and struck Steve on the cheek with his metal hand. Steve barely felt it, the pain in his heart from what he saw drowned out everything else. He pinned down Bucky's arms, though he lashed and squirmed beneath Steve.  
"I hate it Steve!" He wailed, trying to get out from his grip. "They should've let me die when I fell, Steve! I've killed so many people who should've lived instead of me! I hate it! I hate me! I'm not Bucky! I'm just a machine!"  
Though Steve felt weak from what he was hearing he somehow managed to hold on to Bucky. It didn't matter what he said. He wasn't The Winter Soldier. He was Bucky. His Bucky. The same Bucky that taught him how to dance, how throw a real punch, how to laugh until his sides hurt. The Bucky that taught Steve how to love, and Steve did love him. Madly. Deeply.  
After a while Bucky's attempts at freedom grew feeble, and he collapsed into pitiful sobs.  
"Stevie... I hate it so much... every time I see it it reminds me of them; what they did to me, what I did for them... I should've stopped. I remember every person Steve, every person that died because of me. I see their faces at night as I go to sleep, the way they looked before they died. I'm a monster... it's disgusting-" he choked on his words. "I'm disgusting..."  
Steve was on the brink of tears. He pulled Bucky close and rested his head on his own chest.  
"James Buchanan Barnes, you are not a monster. You didn't do any of those things. The Winter Soldier did. You're not him, you're Bucky, and I love you so much. I need you to see that. I'd give up everything to see you happy again. I'd give up Captain America, I'd leave it all behind if you asked me to. I love you. I swear to God I love you so much, you have no idea. I've loved you since we were kids, since you were a little punk with a smart mouth and I was a twig with a big mouth, it wasn't as smart as yours though. I never liked any of those girls you brought me on dates with because none of them compared to you." Steve drew in a shaky breath. He didn't know where his heart was; on his sleeve or in his mouth.  
Bucky didn't say anything, he just buried his face into Steve's shoulder, and Steve wrapped his arms tighter around Bucky and then kissed the top of his head. They sat without words, only Steve's breathing, Bucky's weak sobs and the hum of the bathroom fan breaking the silence.  
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey..."Steve sang softly. He felt Bucky tense before he heard his voice, scratchy from crying, join in quietly  
"You'll never know dear how much I love you, so please don't take my sunshine away."


End file.
